What “ought to be done”, and what is “right” and “good” all stand on certain beliefs that I never chose.
Time and experience hollow out beliefs as water erodes rock over time, until one day- collapse.
Fear of the fall generates enormous and savage efforts to support the rusted beams, the broken gurders, the severed bolts, to hold it all together against the will of gravity.
I know, though, that when one fights gravity, gravity wins, and white knuckles give way to free fall.
If I am not this structure, then I will fall into nothingness; a thought more terrifying than death.
There, in that nothingness I encounter the truth of my self. And instead of living a life built by the beams and mortar of guilt and shame I am free to live the life of God. To do what I love and love what I do. To create what I live and to live what I create. To know what I am and be what I know. To believe nothing, but experience everything!
I am afraid to let go, but I don’t need courage. I only need patience because the pull of collapse is inevitable. A swift kick in just the right spot may help these old metal bones to tumble into the abyss with all that is left of me.