The individual perceives his wounds to be his alone; unmerited, unjust, and unshared. It is, however, his communion with the species– the whole– and mostly self inflicted.
I haven’t suffered much in my 38 years. I wish to build a tolerance to pain preparing myself for my part in global sympathy. I believe the best things in life come through pain, not because of the pain, but through it, because that is where these best things reside; just on the other side. Forming an autonomy to comfort builds courage to walk through pain quickening authentic change, that is, evolution.
True change is like childbirth. Through the pain, coupled with an aversion to comfort for the sake of true work, a woman brings forth a new life that not only changes her name, but what she does, what she values, what she says, what she thinks, how she thinks, where she place her energies, what she desires. It takes her a step beyond ego, into her higher being, into the Kingdom of God within her. This is a true growth, a step from ocean to land, an evolution. I seek this kind of change in me.
Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council. He came to Jesus at night and said, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.” Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.”
I am ready to conquer my fear, not because I am no longer afraid, but because my state within the cave no longer serves me. It rasps and grates my soul like salt in a wound, I seek relief through growth beyond fear and beyond pain.
My only problem: I have no idea what that means. I don’t know what to do, or how to walk down this path!
What is my work, O Lord, and what is my conveyance? What is my share, and my charge? I humbly ask, O God, an answer to my prayer, as I remember Your promises:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.”
My prayer to You, O God, is in the words of your son David:
LORD, my heart is not proud; nor are my eyes haughty. I do not busy myself with great matters, with things too sublime for me. Rather, I have stilled my soul, like a weaned child to its mother, weaned is my soul. My soul, hope in the LORD, now and forever.
I sing this song of trust, giving up self-sufficiency, like a babe enjoying the comfort of his mother’s lap, I place myself in You.