Bodhisattva

I am afraid of change, I am afraid of growth, I am afraid of becoming. How does one overcome fear? Where does courage come from? Perhaps it comes from the utter bitterness and discontent with your current state, pushing you into change. When the oceans were no longer feeding the needs of the first amphibians, and instead closed in on them, spoiling their sense of comfort there, they felt the interior and primitive thrust to survive, not by changing the ocean, but by moving to land! By doing so they overcame fear. If fear controls my life, what I am and who I am, then I’m not much.

My world fears fear. I shelter myself in my carpeted home, sooth my skin with the softest clothes and soaps, I place myself into a nap of comfort that keeps the sharps and corners of change at bay. 

I was in the pool with my children the other day. I couldn’t bring myself to put my upper body beneath the water! It would have been “uncomfortable”! What kind of life is that where I cannot bear to feel the chill of water? Change requires the strength of courage. To over come fear takes a kind of disdain for comfort. I threw myself under the water by sheer force of will, and I felt it’s coolness all over my back and shoulders. It didn’t kill me, on the contrary I felt more alive, what did begin to die, however, was my addiction to comfort. Life isn’t meant to be hid from and tolerated until death. I want to get out of my hiding place, and become vulnerable to the change I so desperately desire and simultaneously fear!

Like those first amphibians, I’m about ready to move to a “new land”, a new frontier, within myself. It’s going to happen to me and with me, and it will happen sooner than I think. 

What I seek: to experience exactly who I am

In other words, I just want to know how to move beyond the ego– the lie of separation–and love as my Heavenly Father has loved me. And then bring this love to the world; remembering that I have to find the fun where I am, not where I think it might be in the future.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
(John 13:34)

“Quia eripuit anima mea de morte, occulos meos a lacrimis, pedes meos a lapsu, placebo Domino on regione vivorum.”

“For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.”
(Psalm 116:8)

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